My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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