Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
