I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
