Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There r osticjed everywhere
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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