Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
