normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
