Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
