I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
