Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
