omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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