He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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