You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
