My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
