i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
