Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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