Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
