dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
