Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
