he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
