Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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