Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
