I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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