No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
