think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
