I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
