Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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