its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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