my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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