ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
