so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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