u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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