home. puking in laundry basket.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
tell me about the eggs
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