i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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