He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
