i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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