I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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