if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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