He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
