we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
