yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
