I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
