Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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