Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
