I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I need to calm my uterus...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
