I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
