I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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