i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
