Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
