my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
