thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
