i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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